*cue the recently overused Billie Holiday song*
What a wonderful thing to have. And even better, I don’t have to plan around others to get some.
Today was a day of solitude. Talking to myself, making potentially harmful decisions about what I would eat, who I would sit next to, and what route I should go. Do I find a parking spot and start exploring? Or drive to the all too familiar town and walk around there? Each decision, made in the moment.
I have always found it easy to escape where I am and find a place of solitude. That started in high school when I got my driver’s license and could drive to the movies alone. See anything, well, almost anything. Pick the seat I wanted and watch some indie art house film, where most of the time, I was also alone in the theatre. Freedom was only a twenty-minute drive, one movie ticket, and a dark theatre away.
April 29
Today was an all-around perfect day.
I awoke early in the morning to a storm. Watched as the lighting put on a glorious show, which allowed the temperature to never get above 73 degrees today. Then at the appropriate time, I went downtown to the Museum of Fine Arts. I saw the film Argentina 1985 in a crowd filled with people from Argentina and other Latian countries. This viewing was all part of the museum’s Latin Wave Film Festival featuring many old and new Latin films. I’m sad that I only got to experience the one, but was it worth the wait! The beauty and the horror of the film had us all captivated.
Then, I went to one of my favorite restaurants. I was drinking a lovely white wine and eating a bad-for-me but divine pasta dish. I’ll pay for it later when I wake up in pain from all the dairy. And to top it all off, I saw another film in the evening. Though, this one with family. But hey, I spent most of my day in a dark theatre, seeing the hard work of thousands. This will always be my favorite way to spend a day.
Solitude
By now, it shouldn’t be a surprise how well-versed I am at spending my time alone. From eating out alone, going to movies, living alone, and just feeling alone my whole life. Sometimes I think that I’m too good a being alone. I’m too comfortable not having to talk to anyone except a few strangers when they ask questions like “Are you alone?”
There’s beauty in solitude. But there is also heartbreak. I long for a time when I don’t have to spend days alone. A time when the answer to strangers’ questions is not met with sorrow for being alone. Yet, if I weren’t alone, would I still be having fun? All I know is, for now, I love the solitude and experiencing life on my terms. Not someone else’s.
For now, alone, I will stay.